Will you catch me?
by Sunny Ice
Summary: "Where are you now? At this very moment? Can you feel that I think of you?" Songfic: "Catch me" by Papermoon.


This is probably the saddest story I ever wrote. But I recently heard the song "Catch me" by Papermoon and I really love it, so I decided to convert my emotions into a story. It isn't beta-read yet, but I will edit it asap.  
All that's left to say is: take your tissues out and go with Ran on a walk full of memories of her one and only.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. (Otherwise it would have an end by now.)  
Claimer: The way the characters are composed (aka "the storyline") is my intellectual property.**

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So I'm walking on that street again, that street that we used to walk on since we were kids. Since we were in kindergarten. Just the two of us, then with some friends, but most of the time we- as friends. Or were we more? More than two children joking around annoying and making the other smile? I don't know. Maybe if I could remember better, but for all I know, we were not only friends- we were best friends.

All these memories won't make me happy, they only make me sad. Though there is this little smile on my face, melancholic but still a smile. Where are you now? At this very moment? Can you feel, that I think of you?

There were times when you were near, my friend, and now, you're so much further away, then I ever thought possible. You shared nearly every second of the day with me. When I was happy, you were the first one I told why; when I was angry, you were the one I could scream at and fight with. Of course being with you meant trouble- I can't imagine how much less exciting my life will be without you.  
Although you seemed to have forgotten anything besides the case you were currently working on, you cared about me. Do you think I can't remember? There were times you needed my help, and there were times you were here to help me. Back then I didn't know. I took it as it was. Every minute.

"Hello, Ran-chan!" An old lady greets me. On the second look I recognize her. Our old kindergarten-teacher. I wave at her. Were do I go? How did I come here? I am near the garden where it all began, on the other side of the street there is that little blue house, where we met each other. I close my eyes and turn my face to the sun. It is warm- warmer then I could have thought possible, but well- I'm learning something new every day. I sigh and go on. There is a river calling my name -seemingly- I can hear it silent in the distance. I follow the call, like I would have followed you.

The grass is a bit wet as I sit down and look at the water. Here I can let my emotions out. I feel the tears welling behind my eyelids and all I can ask myself is: Will you catch me- I am falling as deep as anyone can. I miss you so much, more then should be allowed. I miss your smile with which you took the ground from under my feet, I miss your jokes which caused me to chase you halfway through the city. You called me a month ago, but you left no number. I can't call you, but can't you hear that I am calling you with my heart? Aren't we in this strange kind of connection that we had once? Is everything broken, now that you're gone? Do you need me like I need you, or did you already forget about me? Did you meet someone new, wherever you are? Am I still important to you? What if I tried to find you? What if I manage to find you? What will you do? Will you take me in your arms and tell me that I made a mistake? Will you show me your new world and make me understand, why you're not here any more? Now it is as clear as the water in front of me: I am hopelessly in love with you, but how can I tell? I don't know if you feel the same way too. I think I lost my chance for this life. People will remember us as best friends, and nothing more.

I get up and make my way back home. Not straight maybe. I follow the sun and reach the place I was searching for. I can picture us here. Long ago, thinking about our future, about when we're older, trying to grow up as fast as possible. So I'm sitting on these stairs again. They are warm from the sunshine. No one is there, no one disturbs the silence of old memories and my new life. I close my eyes and breathe the past in. Here we used to sit and talk for hours, far away from our parents, who never worried about us. Shinichi keeps Ran safe and Ran keeps Shinichi on the ground. We were like two pieces of a puzzle- completely different, but only fitting for each other. I look around. This lonely house is still the same, the color is as light green as it was ten years ago, the window on the first floor on the right side is still broken, in the garden there still are flowers growing wild and colorful.

The sun went down, I head up as I feel the cold creeping under my skirt. Is it really the cold weather that makes me shake and shiver? Maybe it is because now all these memories are full of sorrow, sorrow for you. How are you? Do you like it where you are? These are questions to keep myself from asking others. I wonder if you care at all, or if you feel at all. The urge to talk to you gets stronger any minute, taking my breath and clenching my heart with a fist as cold as ice. A tear falls on the concrete under my feet. I go automatically the right way. Nothing changed out here, and I bet for you the world is still the same. Cases with robbery, murder, corpses...I swallow hard. Don't think about it, Ran, not now. As I reach the address, I go straight ahead. You led me here, didn't you? I dry my tears and blow my nose. How could it be that you decide for a future on your own and for me there is no tomorrow because of it? Am I that dependent? Right now, I only wish you stood beside me, breathing, talking, laughing with me. Can I ask you one question: Will you catch me? I am falling deeper and deeper.

Will you take away my sorrow about you by coming back? Looking me in the eyes, taking my hand, kissing me and be here to give the love I need.

My feet stopped. I am too angry to move on. The shaking comes back, but I ignore it. I stand there and scream into the sky.

"SHINICHIII!" My voice trails off as I break down- my legs can't hold me any longer. Why? Why can't you hear that I am calling you? Is your heart too far from here? You forgot about me, didn't you? I am no longer the one you share secrets with, talk to late at night on the telephone, look at mockingly after they carried away the latest case you solved oh so easily.

Do you need me, like I need you? I hope that one day I won't feel that need any more.

I reach the place I was going to, whispering one last question: Will you take me in your arms? I will find you, I know. Not now, not tomorrow, but one day, we'll be together again.

I let my hand travel on the cold stone, let my thoughts roam and my tears fall again. I remember the day, the day, I called you an idiot, but didn't tell you about my feelings. And here you are, right in front of me. Your body is here, but where is your soul? Guarding me all along, guiding me here to see you. My fingers hover over the letters of your name. Finally being with you one day is my target, but I will let destiny decide, when that day is. Everything has a beginning, like our relationship, and everything has an end, like life. You showed me both, Shinichi.

"But one day I'll come to you, you only have to wait for me." Holding you in my arms will reactivate my emotions, like death I going to make my life complete. You completed yours. I see that as I read your name on the gravestone in front of me.

Will you catch me if I fall?

x-_-x

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I'm sorry for "killing" Shinichi, and thought about a happier ending, but today is a very sad day for me and so I tried to distract me by writing. And well, this is why I sometimes think I do have a heart and not an ice-cube under my lungs.

p.s.: If you wanna cheer yourself up, go to my profile and try "Getting rid of emotions" ;-)


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